L.O.C. - not just a medical measurement

In a few different medical certifications over years, the concept of LOC (or level of consciousness) when being a first responder to a medical emergency has been discussed. Usually, this is directly associated with being alert and oriented. As an example, if a person is alert and oriented times 3, it means they can identify person, place, and time. 

Levels of consciousness take on a new meaning when discussing therapy and self awareness.One such concept when discussing growth and consciousness that regularly comes up is the following:

"We repeat what we do not repair"

In a comical twist on this concept, the movie "Groundhog Day" is a perfect illustration of this mantra. In the plot of the movie, Bill Murray's character wakes up repeating the same day, day after day, seemingly endlessly caught in a loop. This in all actuality is not as comical or fun or light hearted when seemingly 'doomed' to be stuck in a loop in real life - when we date the same type of person for example who mistreats over and over again. This type of learning is painful and often nauseating, especially when the distraction of the honeymoon phase wears off and we are left not getting our needs met AGAIN when in relation to another.

There are many ways for this to manifest, and it does not have to be in the romantic sense. It can also show up in our friends, who we choose to associate with as co-workers, and more. The things that draw people to one another are often unconsciously magnetizing - commonly a childhood need that goes unmet, and trying to rewrite the story of meeting that need through adult relationshipping. As someone who has mostly chronically dated emotionally unavailable types, I know from my own history I had to work to attain the love of my father, who typically only externally validated my brother's and my own accomplishments. This was mostly done through praise associated with academic and athletic successes, which meant we never knew we were 'enough' as is. My dating emotionally unavailable partners is a re-creation of my emotionally unavailable relationship with my father - and stems from my desire to recreate a new scenario where I can finally attain his love now through my current partnership.

This is dysfunctional thinking, and in my own experience leads to pain - both for myself and those I engage in dating. As I have become more aware of this pattern, I have done my best to break away from these trends and truly listen to myself and my heart when engaging with another. Some examples of questions I have begun asking myself are: 

• How do I feel in their presence? 

• Do they have and respect boundaries, and do they identify and respect mine?

• Are they able to talk about deeply vulnerable things with me? 

• Do they have the capacity to love themselves, and as a result can they offer me love? 
  

In friendships, this has looked slightly different but similar - some examples of those questions can be: 

• Am I accepting scraps of attention and affection from someone?

• Are they prioritizing me and my time? 

• Are they supportive of me when life gets hard? 

• Are they growing, stagnating, or regressing in life?

A quote was revealed to me recently which is taken from Alan Watts, and that quote is:

"When you get the message, hang up the phone."

Perfect analogy. There is no reason to stay on the phone. There is no reason to continue to call back if no one is picking up. There is no reason to hang onto a voicemail indefinitely and listen to it over and over again. Most of these options represent some form of madness or crazy making.  My intention with my life is to be intentional, and not get stuck in any infinite loops. It is dysfunctionally satisfying to 'go with what you know' and create dysfunctional cycles in life because it is familiar, and to an extent feels like home. Growth involves flying in the face of those familiar decisions and choosing an alternative path. It is only when we choose growth and discomfort over the familiarity of dysfunction that we can start to reap the rewards of healthier relationshipping.