Top 5 influential books when I started therapy

When I initially stepped foot into therapy, I was a pretty unconscious being. LIttle did I know at the time, but I was addicted in several different ways - addicted to emotionally unavailable partners as a primary (trying to recreate the relationship I had with my father over and over again, in an attempt to finally 'win' his love and approval). I was an undiagnosed love and sex addict, putting connection with others in importance above everything else in my life, and through all of this truly being emotionally unavailable myself. Holding onto fantasies of a perfect connection, a never ending honeymoon phase, of romantic partners that would never let me down - the list goes on.

Well, in a probable turn of events, when I started putting a laser focus on my initial addictions, my addictions vacillated. Addicts will be addicts will be addicts. When I started going to therapy and uncovering my 'ugly' with codependency, I immediately changed my addiction to educating myself about my addiction. What this looked like for me was a once weekly CoDA 12 step meeting for group therapy, individual counseling, and continual library book rentals and book purchases in the self-help section. When I wasn't attending a meeting, I tearing through hardbacks, I was pouring over scholarly journals online associated with these same subjects, and I was continually scouring 12 step literature for CoDA and other meetings.

It took me about a year of doing this before I was finally able to realize that a more paced approach would allow me time to integrate all of the new things I was learning. I started doing one self-help book, one adventure book. As an example - one self-help book, and then one fly fishing book, or mountaineering book, and so on. Over the past two years specifically, I have nearly stopped reading (again, with intention - to ensure a paced approach to my ongoing self exploration). 

When things slowed down enough to allow my heart and brain to catch up with all this information, I was left with appreciation for several standout books that I have since re-read (some several times). In no particular order, these 5 books were the most influential in my early therapy days:

Attached - Dr. Amir Levine deep dives into attachment psychology in this book, from secure, to anxious, to avoidant, to a mix of those two. Having never taken any psychology courses before, I was completely oblivious to this side of life until I read this book and immediately related to it. 

(Close second - The 5 Love Languages)

Anxious to Please - 7 Revolutionary Practices for the Chronically Nice - James Rapson wrote this easily digestible book where the chapters broke down into different practices for those struggling with their anxiety. I particularly related to the concept of desert practice, or stripping away all numbing agents and distractions - boldly walking out into the unknown of my inner world and seeing what I could see. I still abide by the concept of brotherhood practice, or intentionally communing with members of the same sex - which is a great reminder of the importance of friendship

The Way of the Superior Man - In an era of at times off putting New Age material inundating the self help book shelves, I was pleasantly surprised by David Deida's courageous approach towards what it looks like to be a conscious, confident man in today's society.  This book was incredibly insightful into both roles in a relationship (regardless of gender, pronouns, power dynamics, or more) and leading with heart in all situations.

The Power of Now - Eckhart Tolle truly captures the essence of our perpetually distracted society in this one book, and how important it is to remain in this moment, all the times. At times the book almost feels like it beats you up with the simplicity of this message, but I get the hint that it was intentional. There truly is no other place one's focus should be - this was my first but has not been my last Tolle read. And lastly but not least ...

How to Change Your Mind - have you ever been curious about alternative medicine and gaining wisdom into the world of psychedelics? Look no further, as this page turner explores first hand many different modalities of psychonaut exploration. Michael Pollen follows his own experiences into the inner workings of his own brain in this vulnerable yet very informative novel. Buckle up!