What is rigorous honesty?

Heard first in a 12-step setting, rigorous honesty is a tool to uncover something that may be hidden, shameful, or otherwise deceptive. An example of this may be the nicotine addict who says they only smoke when they drink, but they drink nightly. Or the alcoholic who conceals their empties from others so it doesn't offer a visual indicator of volume ingested. Rigorous honesty in this type of setting may involve getting real with oneself about what the situation is exactly. This to my understanding is proverbially flipping the stones of life and shining light into the dark recesses. Only then, when the practice of being honest with oneself is mastered, can a person be honest with anyone else.

Admittedly, 12-step groups that focus on consumption seem easier to 'see' the problem and approach it honestly. The Nar Anon member may be a drug user, so being honest about drug use unmanageability is straight forward. The OA member may self-soothe with food, or recognize they have an unhealthy craving to sugary desserts. Things become more difficult to track within the nebulous realm codependency, or trying to become honest within the context of relationships. As an example, quitting cold turkey isn't really an option for relationships - one will always have a relationship with self, and with friends, family, coworkers, and possibly romantic partners. Life is a tapestry of different relationships, and as a species we are programmed to be social creatures to survive.

How then do we become rigorously honest in recovery? Step 1 or admitting we are powerless over our addiction is a humbling initial step towards an answer. This act is an act of rigorous honesty in and of itself. My personal experience with my entry point into recovery work was being completely unaware of my predicament - unconsciously hurting not only myself but those close to me with my actions and words. When I was able to admit that I was powerless over my codependency, it allowed me to start asking:

“What would it take to become powerful in this situation - to become consciously aware, and to make better decisions?”

The concept of rigorous honesty involves a process, not an event. Events are flash-in-the-pan, a one-time occurrence. Processes become habitual, and the habit of being rigorously honest tends to pervade all aspects of life. Once I became honest with myself, it became much easier and a habit to become honest with everyone around me - about everything. This is scary at first, but ultimately a critical step to moving out of ‘stuckness’. Thanks for reading